I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
