wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize