Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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