if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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