remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
