Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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