I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
