My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
