i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
