I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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