Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
