I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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