Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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