he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
