I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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