oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
