it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Everclear isn't food dammit
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
