Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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