I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
