I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I want to be your penis for a week.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
