i don't like sucking hair
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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