The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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