so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
