I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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