you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
