i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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