You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
