Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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