I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
