I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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