chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
