no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
