come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
