Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
