he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
