I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize