I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
