i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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