1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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