yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
