Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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