She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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