saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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