dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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