Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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