Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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