i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
