Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
