What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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