I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
then he tried to convert me to islam
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
