Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
