girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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