he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
