if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
