The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
