Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
