Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
