So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
