i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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