she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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