idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
