you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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