guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
