You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
