Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
