he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
