I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
