I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
