I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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