um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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