my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
