Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
