I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
